Calling all clingers: "Detach!"

Attention All Clingers…
Detach immediately—you are weighing down this relationship!

Have you ever heard a guy say, “Man, she’s a clinger!” and wonder what the heck that means? It’s one of those unwritten vocabulary words you hear guys using a lot. According to the urban dictionary, a clinger is a member of the opposite sex that is likely to become overly attached, overly fast. Believe it or not, we categorize levels of “cling,” the most severe being the Stage 5 clinger, an over-attached girl that constantly needs to be texting, talking, or with someone at all times.... Now take a long look in the mirror. Don’t look away just yet…is this you? If so, detach immediately—you are killing your relationship and looking extremely insecure.


From a guy’s standpoint, we love attention. In fact, I can hear a hundred times how good my outfit looks, or how physically fit I am, and I will never complain. But if I can’t even eat a meal or go to practice without 4 text messages, 2 missed calls, and a voice mail, then there are some serious “clinger” issues going on. Is this bad…? Umm, yeah! And if you really have to wonder about that, then I may be speaking to deaf ears. The plain and simple fact is that it is unhealthy to be too overly-attached to anything of this world, including a relationship. What does over-attachment really say about someone? It shows insecurity issues big time, and who wants to build a lasting loving relationship with someone who is insecure about themselves and the other person?


In a healthy functioning relationship, each party may have his or her own friends; they may have hobbies or things they do by themselves—this is normal. Sometimes it’s best to take time for yourself, or to allow time for your partner so that they may take care of their personal things. This is what normal people do and what most people expect. A lasting relationship should have these types of qualities. To build a healthy Christian relationship, there are a few other things that should be done.


First of all, put God first. This will ensure that your relationship is grounded with a strong spiritual foundation that will help you overcome the difficult times. This seems obvious, but it is easy to get caught up in the thrill and infatuation of a relationship, and suddenly realize that you kind of left God behind. So, before you take any steps toward establishing a relationship, take some time. Pray. Read the Bible. Talk to Christian people who know you well, and ask them if they think you are ready for a relationship. Begin a relationship only when you have peace and confirmation.


Next, set standards for your relationship, and be clear, honest, and specific, so you each know what is expected of the other. By standards, I am referring to just a basic set of guidelines. For example, is flirting allowed? Or is it okay to have friends of the opposite sex? The point here is to build an idea of what you each may expect from the relationship. I mean, if one of you is looking to “fall in love,” but to the other this is just a “boyfriend/girlfriend” thing, then there may be some drastic differences in your expectations. You want to iron those things out, so this way no one is offended.


By following the two simple steps of putting God first and setting reasonable expectations, you can start a healthy relationship and build from there. To be overly involved with what, when, and how someone is doing is borderline stalking, and is straddling idolatry.


Now, let’s get to why this is so important. What does God think about insecurity and over-attachment? The Bible is pretty clear on this subject, and as Christians and believers in Christ, we should always attempt to line up our lives with the Word of God. So how much time do you spend with God, and how concerned are you regarding what God thinks, feels, and sees? If you’re more concerned about what your boyfriend is doing than what God is doing, the Bible calls this idolatry, and this is a major sin (1 Corinthians 10:14; Colossians 3:5). In fact, idolatry is having anything in your life that is more important to you than God, and God finds this to be so serious that He listed it as one of His Ten Commandments (Exodus 20). All throughout the Old Testament, prophets where raised up to preach God’s command to remove your idols and repent of your sins.


In our day and age, idols may not be wooden images of other gods, but may be money, jobs and relationships. Now understand, it’s not that God doesn’t want us to have these things, but He does want us to prioritize them under Him and His Word. So many people believe that being a Christian restricts the “fun” we can have in life, and that we have to be some boring people. Well, let me emphasize how wrong that thought process is! The Bible says that Jesus came to give us life so that we may have it more abundantly (John 10:10). God wants us to have love; He wants us to have riches; He wants us to have fun. But we need to remember that we need not try so hard; if we seek God first, He will provide these things in abundant form and fashion (Matthew 6:33).


So, if you find yourself being overly concerned with the who’s, how’s, when’s and why’s of your boyfriend, then realize that you just may be a clinger and it’s time to detach—you are weighing down your relationship! Put God first, and allow time for your relationship to build. A poet in the 1700’s once said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I am sure you’ve heard this a thousand times; now it’s time to do it. Don’t just be hearers of the Word, be doers (James 1:22). Trust God to give you the necessary strength to no longer be insecure, but rather to be secure in what God has planned for you, and watch your future grow (Jeremiah 29:11). I pray that you seek God first and that you grow secure in who you are as strong Christian women. Man will let you down, relationships will come and go, but God is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Be Blessed Sisters!

Purity… From a Guy’s Perspective

Purity—does it really matter to guys? Wouldn’t a guy want a girl with more experience? Isn’t purity just being prude? Well, let me please clarify this subject from the male perspective. The shocking reality is… Purity matters big time. Regardless of what we might say or how we may react, no guy wants to build a relationship with an “easy” girl. The idea of a girl that we would respect and love fits the image many times of what we would want as a wife. No man wants a cigarette smoking, beer drinking, club hopper as a wife. That type of woman is just not trustworthy, and that is why many guys treat women disrespectfully. I mean, come on, do you really expect a man to respect you for the beautiful gift from God that you are when your clothing, attitude and demeanor show otherwise? How can you expect respect when you don’t respect yourselves?

Now don’t get me wrong, we (guys) by far are not perfect and there are many times when we just fall short. That is why it is so important when you’re seeking love and relationship, that you seek God first. Build your relationship with the Lord Almighty first, and He will place the man in your life He planned for you; He already has a plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11). Don’t jeopardize your purity and integrity to “fit in”. That wild, crazy party girl for most guys is good for only one thing, and we all know what that is. When a man is truly looking to love and respect a woman, we are looking for a trustworthy, kind hearted, honest woman. And when a Christian man is looking for a woman to love, he is looking for a woman who first loves God and respects herself.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to have a relationship built on a mutual foundation of faith and love, respect and admiration? It’s not a fairy tale and it’s very real, but it starts with purity for both men and women. Let me let you in on a long-running male secret (sshhh don’t tell)… we often, no, pretty much always EXAGERATE, especially when it comes down to our “experiences,” so don’t be another locker room conversation piece or another name in the little black book. Instead, be sure that your name is in the only book that counts, the Lamb’s Book of Life, so you may enter the Kingdom (Revelations 3:5, 21:27). Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings, in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). The unfortunate reality is that society has made it okay to be sexually impure, but the Word of God tells otherwise. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity (1 Timothy 4:12). Please keep your purity close to heart because it does matter to men, but most importantly to God, and it should to you. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need (Matt 6:33).